Lunes

So church went well ysterday, but it was a cry day. I didn't cry all day, but i felt like it. finally that night i let it all go. i can't really tell all b/c i'm not able to put it into words. it's this gut groaning, yearning for better things mostly at church. for myself, but also for those around me. i've had a really hard time getting to know the members intimately. partly b/c of my not feeling good and not being able to grit my teeth and bear it anymore. also partly b/c of mentality of the church. they are pretty set in tradition, which is not bad in this case, but they fail to remember that we know nothing of bardstown or this church and don't tell us things that they assume we know. or we get calls a week in advance of something we should be doing b/c the youth always do it. it's very frustrating. we're working on better communication with the planning peoples, but there isn't really one person we can ask. one of our youths parents are very zealous and plan things w/o telling anybody. this sunday we open our bulletin and there's an announcement telling anyone who can play an instrument in the youth to contact these people. well, we've already been talking to someone to head this up and they are taking a different approach. we had no idea why this was in the bulletin. they had called after the pastor had looked over the draft and the secretary just squeezed it in, but it shouldn't have been there. the person we had enlisted was pretty hurt b/c he thought we wanted something else and just didn't tell him. luckily, he's been working close enough to us and knows us well enough to come talk to michael. it's just so frustrating.

i'm having other issues as well, but can't really talk about it here. but it's along the same lines. a complete breakdown of communication and total focus on the "I". i miss the intimacy of the nbbc youth group. i miss those nights of all of us lying in bed together telling stories and giving compliments. why is it so hard to cultivate? well, i guess maybe i'm trying to hard to do something god did to begin with. i just want it better than what it is for so many people i come into contact with. even the christians i know, jeeesh!

i had my first introduction to traction today. it was interesting. i wasn't quite sure what to expect exactly. what it boils down to is this, my spine has to move and inch backwards at the top and to the right. in order for this to happen we put a weight on a hook that is attached to a padded loop that goes around my neck. then another weight is hung from my forehead and i sit there. also, i have exercises to do at home. it wasn't painful. tiring and unusual, but simple. it feels wierd b/c i'm not used to moving the way the exercises have me move. gradually we'll increase the weight. but that's traction. i have to go 2-3 times a week. i get an adjustment, traction, muscle stimulation and ultrasonic treatment (on my toe). they are so great, honestly. i take kassidy b/c she gets adjusted as well, but only once a week and b/c it's just down the road and no one i know lives close enough to make it worth it. but they watch her and play with her when i'm not able. the doctor told me today that she was very well behaved compared to the rest of his clients who are children. she really does enjoy it. i think she knows it makes her feel better too. she hasn't had bowel problems since the second week of her adjustments.

buddy is a very smart dog. i thought he was just stupid and wasn't getting the whole housebreaking thing. that is not the case. he was mad at us and decided to pee on the floor to get attention or get back at us i guess. but we haven't had an accident all week. i've been letting him in more often and making sure to take time to play with him and pet him a lot when he is good. he's a good dog, but he is annoying sometimes. he's still chewing on everything. he's learned the leave it command and no, so that helps out a lot. he's getting bigger though and doesn't know it. he knocks kassidy down all the time. he's taller than her now when he gets up on two. he snores. he sleeps is weird positions and he does not like the cold weather. he does still run off occassionally and doesn't listen when you tell him to come here b/c he'd rather play with his friend. that makes me so mad when he looks at me and i tell him to come and he just walks away. aarrgggggg! for now i still like cats better, so much less maintenance.

okay, this room is very cold and i'm losing feeling in my fingers. i need to quite typing. thank you for your replies. love ya bunches.

abbi