hola

yeah, so cindy, i really like curves. i'm in the process of reading the book to find out more about their diet, but the gym aspect is great. it's fun. when you walk in, mine's very small of course, there's music playing and over that a voice tells you to "switch stations". okay back up, you get a keychain card and you scan in then hop into the rotation. it's very laid back and easy to go at your own speed. there's a circle of exercises you do and between each muscle you work you have a "recovery board" that you hop, dance, run, walk whatever you want on. this gives your muscles a short break before working again which increases those muscles. everyone is doing the same thing, they;re all women, and it was really easy to just let go and exercise. i'm really glad i did it. i'm doing that and working on my back, exercising helps support the back, so i'm benefitting both! but really, i feel like the first time in a while that i'm taking care of my body so that i'll feel better and i'm being proactive in my health, although i have catching up to do. i think both are also helping with the depression and i'm excited. oh, i also knokw that currently, i could not last through an entire birth, so this needs to be done for my doula work as well.
god's timing with everything right now is just amazing me. i've even had dreams about it and how good he is. i'm not sure i'll ever be able to explain it all, but i'll always know. what a wonderful, loving, gracious god we serve and who loves us no matter what we do or don't do. there are so many feelings/thoughts running rampant through my head i can't make sense of them. michael and i are having a time of renewing in our marriage right now and over the past month and a half we've really grown closer. i'm thankful for his patience and support of me. god has truly given him a love that comes from him for me. all the things i've said or done to him and here he stands as my husband, willing to work through it all and relearn things that have been set in stone for awhile as far as we go. on a different note, kassidy is learning so much. she just continues to amaze me. and it dawns on me that i have a lot to do with who she is. i'm not taking god's credit here, just hear me out. she's well mannered and well behaved most of the time. of course we have those days and she is still strong-willed, but overall, she is those things. she is sooooo loving. so caring. smart, quick and witty. she is confident and a little dare devil sometimes. she is creative and clever (her name means that). you know, i spend the most time with her. she mimmics me! of course some things she learns from her daddy (the bad things, just kidding) like chewing on her clothes and pens. and learning certain words and bath time stuff that carries over. he's taught me to let her suffer natural consequences and to let some things go that really don't matter in the long run. sometimes i struggle feeling inadequate as her mom, especially around certain people. but, it dawned on me that when it comes down to it, i'm the one who's here and i'm the one she wants when she's scared or sick. she checks in with me to make sure she can go farther and explore more and shares with me her discoveries. she is who she is in large part b/c i am who i am and i share that with her. she's so special. i feel like an injustice is being done b/c everyone cannot share in the joys of her life, but then, that would take away from the impact i'm having. i'm happy she's sees my good qualities and my bad and has picked up more on the good.
i'm not sure what else to share right now, so i'm going to go play. love you all. thank you for your contributions to my life. thank you for loving me with my bad qualities. i love each of you and often don't even notice the bad. each of you are so special and loved.